Love in Corona Days!

Love in Corona Days !!!

I’ve never imagined that this will happen to us so fast.

When I moved to Wroclaw, I used to watch the movies which my cousin was listed a very very long list of all sorts of sci-fi movies.  That year, I came very new to Wroclaw and I was so alone. A choosen loneliness. I spent all Christmas and new year watching all these movies desperately without moving from bed.  

Now, It is incredible that some parts of all these imaginations became true.

We all grew up with some religion base myths, like we will be tested  with our fears ! Was it true or now it became an underconscinous ?

I was never be good to face with facts,  I deemed the facts like they never exist.

I experienced this in last few years before, first in 2014 when my father had an accident.. Then I moved back close by them to support them . It is one of the worst thing to see your beloved ones in pain.  When he had a heart attack in 2017 it was the worst thing could happen to me …

The way how we are showing our feelings, anger and happiness are different than each other. 

 When I received the call from my brother I was working with my direct report next to each other on an excel sheet. So, he heard everything that my father had an heart attack and in an intensive care unit. Then I continue to work without saying anything, just try to finish what I was doing, without any single reaction, neglection …

He said, you should go now, but I couldn't move...

Everybody’s reaction is different than each other .If I will not be  able to see him, knowing him not good…I was not ready to visit the hospital. I was not sure what I will see . Was he really good or was it to make me ready for the fact …

In a way, I managed to go but it was the longest way which I had taken ever,  even Bahadir was driving so fast. I was so thankful when I saw that he was alive and good.

Everyone in this life we all will be tested with our weaknesses. My beloved ones are my weaknesses. This summer, I experienced similar situation during my business trip in Ukraine. 

You never be ready nor strong till you see someone you love in pain... 

And Corona….

First with Italy, you were so alone there and If something happens to you I was for sure will be there. 

Then my family...

Before they close the border I was thinking to go to my family to stay with them to be closer to them . Nevertheless, I was so late when Polish government took decision to close the boarders  meanwhile I was thinking If something happens to them how can I go ?

I learnt this fact, when I received a call from my cousin and learnt that our grand was in intensive care unit … I was crying, I opened immediately my computer to check out for the boarder rules for the flights and send an e-mail to ask to consulate if there will be any flight. I knew that even I go I will be under quarantine which is no problem but they informed  me that there is no flight till to end of March and nothing is for sure afterwards. It was like to make me ready for the reality . I checked the boarders but it was so complicated between Poland and Turkey all those boarders and at the end Turkey finally announced that they closed the boarders too. It was nightmare…

Being alone, knowing that not be able to do any single thing…

Knowing your beloved ones far away from you and learning that you can not do anything for this …

My room mate came and I was crying and telling her that my grand… She said ‘ Duygu, you can not go anywhere ! ‘ was like a second slap on my cheek. And continued, if she can do anything for me and left the room and came back and asked me If I want to eat…

As I said, I am not that good with facing facts when it comes to my beloved ones…

I always believe there is a reason . And this reason should be a good reason, today I am sitting and thinking how I was angry when I learnt that I can not move to Melbourne. Now thinking that I moved there … So far away, and corona is so close to my family … Being apart ! I never think that it would be hard now I know that it is reality …I am so thankful that I couldn't get the job in Melbourne.

I woke up some morning that I saw myself on the way walking back home….

Being in need to be loved and cared and need to love & care…

Missing a lot, to be in need to be missed. I always thought it is matter of time to be forgetten … But forgetting ….

You can love a lot of things like me … Going swimming, take care of the ducks in the river, a beautiful flower, a cup of coffee…

Now staying at home for last 3 weeks gave me more opportunity to think about my life.

Where I am standing now exactly and what I want …

Being in nature and to be closer to loved ones…To be in a warm heart, being close to that heart,  to love and to be loved !!!

Simple…

Simple is beautiful…

Life is short to wait for a call or for a message to be in the q of FB friends or on a whatsapp message.

Life itself is short and my adventure here now, is going back to myself  and deep dive !